I’ve reached that point in the divorce process where there’s a recognition that I have to cave in and give her the divorce; and now I can look at the whole marriage and recognize it was a loss rather than a profit. I didn’t come out ahead. And I hate her for breaking her promises. But, at the same time, I have to acknowledge that it was my responsibility to know better than to trust her (even though society mostly set me up for failure by bluepilling me about female nature).
She claims I fucked up her life. I don’t see how. She got her golden ticket to come to the U.S. and stay here, and all she had to do was stay with me for a year before she got to leave and do whatever she wanted. A lot of Filipinas would jump at the chance to spend one year with an American guy and then walk away with a green card. I guess she’s just not very appreciative, though.
Well, anyway. Let me tell you about what happened recently.
The cops executed a search warrant, and took my electronic stuff — my laptops, my tablet, my phone, my hard drives, my thumb drive. Everything that the burglars didn’t take on 18 July, they took on 29 August. And that really sucks, but my mom did at least buy me a new laptop the evening that it happened, so I’m back on the Internet.
I was also briefly locked out of my GMail and WordPress.com accounts, but I finally found the notebook that had my password written in it. It had fallen behind my bed, maybe when the cops were rifling through everything and throwing it various places. As searches go, that wasn’t the worst I’ve been through; there’ve been times when they ripped apart the whole place, but I think these guys may have shown some restraint because they weren’t looking for something like weed that would typically be kept hidden; since electronics aren’t inherently contraband (and if they do contain contraband, it’s usually encrypted), they’re usually out in the open, unless someone is expecting a search and seizure like this one.
Anyway, after this happened, I realized, the local cops don’t have my back. They’re on Meshelle’s side. Why else would they be doing her bidding, by taking her rape allegations seriously?
So, to put an end to all this, I need to go ahead and sign off on the divorce so that she’ll leave me alone, and quit trying to bring the heat down on me. I hope she suffers some kind of freak Final Destination-like accident and dies, because I don’t like the fact that I invested so much in this relationship, only to have it end in this way. I guess I could look at it as a learning experience, but I don’t like what I had to give up in exchange for whatever wisdom I gained.
I know this much — she’s not going to be happy, but that’s not my fault. Her problems began before she ever met me. Kind of like how my problems began before I ever met her. The difference is, I left her in a better situation, because she didn’t really lose a lot from being with me for a year, yet now she’s going to have a U.S. passport, apparently. All that she’s really angry about is that she didn’t meet me when she was, say, 18, so she could have spent her late teens and early 20s in America.
It wouldn’t surprise me if she would even want to make the same decision to marry me, even knowing that we would be destined for divorce, if she had it to do over. Why not? She obviously wanted to come here very badly.
And that’s another thing — why am I, the U.S. citizen, being treated worse than the immigrant? I’m being given fewer rights than she is, because I don’t see the cops going through her stuff and taking her property. My family has lived in this county for 14 years and paid property taxes to this county, yet Meshelle gets favoritism because she wants to be disloyal to her husband and have some assistance from the cops in twisting my arm to let her go from the marriage. Okay, well, whatever.
I thought she didn’t believe in divorce. Anyway, I can’t see her life going in a good trajectory, because a lot of the same problems she ran into with me, she would run into with the next guy too. She just carries too much baggage from her failed relationships with these Chads. That isn’t going away, and she’s not getting any younger.
So yeah, I hope she gets hit by a Mack truck and splatters all over the pavement, or something; but if that doesn’t happen, either way, I still know she’s going to have a fucked-up life, and it serves her right. I would say, “I hope others will see that and learn from it” but I know they won’t. They’ll just blame it on me, which doesn’t really do any good.
After all, I was very open with Meshelle about how I am and what my expectations were, but she came here anyway just for the green card, if for nothing else. Because of the allure of the green card, we will just see these fiancee immigrants continue coming here regardless of the fact that the U.S. citizen fiances usually have some kind of problem that is making them resort to a foreign bride. They will never “learn,” because what there is to learn, they already know; they’re going into it with eyes wide open and taking advantage. It’s the U.S. citizen sponsors who need to learn, and quit enabling bad behavior.
Ah, it felt good to vent. (Just like last time.) Even though I know it won’t be of much interest to others, it’s good to express my feelings, just like last time. Of course, at this point, I have to totally suppress any and all positive feelings I might have about Meshelle, because those feelings are totally pointless, given that nothing good can come of them; all that can arise from being fond of her is frustration.
I wonder if her feelings toward me are totally dead? That was the impression I got when I saw her last. I’m not even sure if she hates me. Maybe all this really was just a mercenary transaction, in the end. I’m not even sure she even relied on me much for emotional support; it seemed like she used Facebook more for that.
The cool thing about dying, by the way, is that all my memories and emotions regarding Meshelle will be totally gone at that point. And I’m getting pretty close to what actuaries would consider the halfway point in my life now.
By the way, I also hate BuiQuang
Fuck that individual; I hope they die in a horrific accident too. Not necessarily a painful accident, but a messy one, like falling into some industrial machinery.