The loser and the villain are variations on the same theme

The loser is someone who doesn’t meet society’s standards of success. The villain is someone who doesn’t meet society’s standards of goodness.

In both cases, there’s the question, what if the individual rejects society’s standards? Society might say, we’ll punish you. We’ll find what it is you want, and take it away from you.

That could be the ability to have fun, or to make a difference in the world, or to be recognized as important, etc.

What happens, though, if the individual says, “I don’t care” and checks out? That happens sometimes. (And guess what, Wikipedia may not mind if you check out of Wikipedia and never come back, but they will mind if you check out of this world, because otherwise, they would not have a policy about reporting threats of self-harm. Once people stop buying into society’s standards, that’s going to hurt everyone, including Wikipedia, who depends on those standards being upheld.)

It’s really hard to get people to do stuff voluntarily sometimes. Ever try to get someone to play, say, an obscure board game? It’s hard. Most people won’t do it. They don’t want to be subject to any more rules than the world already requires of them; and a game involves yet another set of rules to obey, and potentially lose by.

When I belonged to an obscure religion, it was hard to get friends to attend my church even once. My thought was, if they attended even once, it was better than nothing. They had the opposite perspective, that if they thought they weren’t going to join, that it was better not to even attend once as a guest.

Life is just another thing that people want you to keep an open mind to, saying, “Keep giving this a try, it’ll get better.” I can think of basically one film about which people said, “It gets better,” that actually turned out to be better as it went along, and that was The Departed, although really it only got mildly better (Leo DiCaprio movies suck).

“We find, on the contrary, in history, many examples of the great and magnanimous heroes of antiquity, choosing voluntary death, often in the midst of health, with the greatest calmness of mind; sometimes from satiety of life and glory, either when they could gain no more, or apprehending that the future caprices of unconstant fortune might sully the past; and oftener still, to avoid submitting to disgrace and servitude.”

What if I’ve simply had enough? Maybe wanting to continue living, and living, and living is just another example of American gluttony.

The difference between suicide notes and suicide reasons lists

When I think of a suicide note, I think of a manifesto someone left behind to explain their reasons to their loved ones, or the world, or whomever.

The thing is, they’re usually not gonna understand. And you can tell by looking at any of these threads where people are talking about why suicide is cucked, and you should live, etc.

A suicide reasons list, on the other hand, could just be for your own consumption. It’s like how I have numerous notebooks around my room that are in a shorthand that only I would understand, just because I don’t bother to write out what my exact thoughts are; I just put a few words that will be enough to jog my memory about ideas or tasks. I actually found, the last time I was released from prison and tried to flesh out some of my notes from a few months earlier into essays, that I didn’t remember what my shorthand notes meant, so I had to throw them out, which shows that the shorthand notes can be pretty perishable. (But in prison, you may only have a flexi-pen with a small amount of ink, so you can’t write out every essay that comes to mind.)

I woke up this morning and didn’t really need a suicide list. Three days from now might be another story.

The non-suicidal don’t really understand the suicidal. Heck, even those who are suicidal from certain reasons, don’t understand those who are suicidal for different reasons. Each misfit is a misfit in his own way; and a misfit like me doesn’t even really fit into a community of other misfits. Arguably, if you could understand me, I wouldn’t be a misfit.

If you’re still trying to be understood by society, then you may not really be all that suicidal yet, because you’re still holding out a certain kind of hope. But we know that some people who kill themselves do leave notes. Really, it’s just kinda hard to generalize about the suicidal.

For example, it’s a common mistake to say, “They haven’t seemed capable of it thus far, so it’ll never happen” based on a generalization about one’s own history, but that has a survivorship bias.

Someone writes

If I had the money I would start a competitor to Netflix with a charter to make only wholesome content.

Yeah, doesn’t the Mormon church have its own studio? They’re pretty wholesome, or at least they were. Their ideal is still pretty wholesome.