The real reasons why relationships break up can be kinda complicated, and many of the reasons might be secret. A lot of times, fault is shared between the two parties.
Rather than explain what happened over and over to different people, and get judged for one’s own part in it, and answer the same questions again and again, it’s easier to just come up with a simplified narrative, e.g., “He raped me,” “He beat me,” or whatever.
That condenses into three words a whole story, and probably significantly curtails what might have otherwise been a lengthy line of questioning. We saw this happen with August — at first, she had a longer story of what happened, and later, she removed certain parts (e.g. about her own role in what happened) and mostly just condensed it down to “he raped me”.
Same with Meshelle. At first, she used to talk about how I didn’t give her a good life (i.e. I didn’t make enough money for us to move out of my mom’s house). Later, she just simplified her story down to, “You raped me” because that’s easier than talking about finances and so on.
Well, I’ve simplified my story about her, too. I just say now, “She was just using me for a green card.” The reality is more complicated than that, but rather than keep all those nuances in my head, to ponder every time I re-evaluate the situation, it’s easier just to give a nine-word summary that only brings up one aspect of what happened. It’s kind of a misleading interpretation of the chain of events; but Meshelle’s account is even more misleading.
The truth is, we both kinda came into that relationship with expectations based on previous people we’d been with. She probably should have stayed with Glenn, or one of the guys she was with before Glenn. She loved him more, I’d say.
And possibly I should’ve stayed with Elizabeth, although maybe that relationship would’ve failed too.
Anyway, both of these narratives are kinda true, in a way — Meshelle was raped in the sense that she didn’t get out of the relationship everything that she might have been hoping to get out of it; and she was also using me a green card, in the sense that she was prepared to ditch me and just move on with her American dream if I didn’t go along with the changed game plan she had in mind, for after she got here (in which, contrary to the expectations she’d cultivated in me before I bought her plane ticket, I was going to have to be the main breadwinner).
BuiQuang writes, “You both used each other and you lost.” I was at least open and upfront, though, about my intentions and limitations; Meshelle wasn’t really the same way, because she was prepared to say whatever needed to be said to come to this country and get her green card. Femoids seem to always have this delusion that they can change men, or maybe they just think, “Well, if I can’t change him, I can dump him and find some other convenient branch to swing to, so I win either way.”