The incel’s guide to pedophilia

  1. stranger_danger-727x485Start hanging around the school playgrounds after school. Hand out candy. The kids will respect you for it and with the right amount of coercion they’ll be more than happy to take a ride in your car. If they start to scream, don’t worry, they’ll calm down.
  2. Play games with kids you meet on the corner. One of my personal fav’s is the old “tease the snake that lives in my shorts” game. That gets ’em every time.
  3. Hang out at bus shelters. Kids really like it when you sit down next to them, wet yourself and laugh maniacally. They’ll be sure to accept your offer to come over to your house. If they don’t, don’t worry, they’re just playing hard to get and will like it when you force them to come.
  4. Go out with the kid’s mom. If she’s old, divorced and horny then you’re in luck. She’ll be so scared of losing her last chance that she won’t listen to her daughter’s claims that you gave her a spanking butt naked screaming in ecstasy even when she hadn’t done anything.
  5. Be really forward with them. They really like when you tell them that you love them and decide to prove it by standing outside their bedroom window all night screaming their name and how you’re going to kill them.
  6. Become a school guidance counselor. When kids come to you with their problems, you can “comfort” them. They won’t tell. Make sure you make it clear to her that if she does no one will believe her and if they do you’ll go over to her house and boil her bunny wabbit.
  7. If you’re over 50 then you’re in luck! 15 year old girls love older men. Especially when you touch them a lot.
  8. Be the “cool teacher” at school. You know, the one who lets everyone smoke and drink and never tells. They’ll like you so much that they’ll accept your frequent invitations to come over to your house and then you can play a quick game of slap and tickle. They won’t tell on you because they’ll think it’s their fault.
  9. Go for really little kids. You can find them at the shopping mall. If you’re lucky, then they’ll be lost and screaming for their mommies. Or even better, they might be so young that they can’t do anything but moan and pout and that won’t hold up in court.
  10. Become a child psychologist. Maybe you’ll find a kid who’s already been molested. That way she’ll already be broken in. Encourage her to talk about her experience and then act it out in a kinky role-playing adventure. You’ll really be helping her get over her problems so you don’t have to feel guilty.

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