2018.07.26

3:49 AM — So, NoFood/NoFluids is over. Now what?

By the way, I discovered some of these concoctions I made were kinda undrinkable. Mixing a lime cube with lemon-syrup? Lime cubes are so powerfully sour, putting them in anything is kinda dangerous.

But, usually when you create something like that, you can just add some sparkling water, and that’ll take care of it. Or maybe cutting it with apple juice will help (since apple juice tends to go with just about anything). I don’t think you want to cut it with grape juice unless you’re gonna be adding sparkling water or 7-Up or something. We don’t have those ingredients, though (I didn’t think to get apple juice, and I already used up the sparkling water on the cherry lemonade yesterday). I added some tap water, but that’s not the same as sparkling water. So I’m kinda behind the eight-ball, when it comes to trying to make the concoction in front of me drinkable.

So, what am I gonna do about my wife? Just ignore her, I guess. That’s a problem that will go away by itself, one way or the other, if left alone long enough.

What about my programming project? I lost all my notes in the hard drive theft. So I gotta go through old chats and try to remember what was going on. I’m also gonna need a new desktop computer, so I can get Ubuntu running again.

I need to try to save some Google caches that might have some of my notes. Maybe then I can remember what I was working on. If not, I guess I gotta figure something else out from scratch. Maybe looking at some issues in the issue tracker will also jog my memory.

I need to clean the kitchen too, at some point. I’ve been taking more sips of that concoction — yeah, maybe I made the right move yesterday in throwing out that other concoction, because no matter how slowly you try to drink this, it’s painful. I’m gonna have to throw this out too, I guess, unless I’m planning on getting more Perrier or some 7-Up or apple juice or something. See, if I made this stuff often, I’d have those items around as a staple.

4:04 AM — Yeah, I cut up part of an apple and threw that in there and blended it. No good. The concoction can’t be salvaged. It went in the trash.

So, now what? Well, like I said, I gotta look for my notes and try to figure out what my last line of thinking was. Was I still working on anything involving pywikibot? I can’t remember. I lost all my test code for pywikibot, too, I think.

What would’ve been the logical thing for me to do, if I weren’t planning on pursuing that pywikibot path? I can’t remember. I do remember I was trying to set up MediaWiki with that customized code. And I remember I had succeeded in getting MediaWiki to put the correct stuff into the custom fields. So maybe I was still working with pywikibot. Okay. If so, I can just retrace those steps, and maybe if nothing else, it’ll jog my memory and my earlier thinking will come back to me.

My voice/throat is still kinda sore from not drinking any fluids for a week, and my body is still kinda delicate in what I can handle eating or drinking. Wish I had some apple juice or something else less hardcore than grape juice. Man, that sparkling water is addictive — I feel like I could add that to anything.

It’s hard to imagine that I would do this NoFood/NoFluids thing again any time soon — it seems like it would be better to just LDAR until my mom’s death, if that’s what had to happen. Then I could always rope at that point. (Not literally rope, but you know what I mean.)

I think what I’d been planning on doing was translating sdbot into python. Okay. That shouldn’t be too hard. It would help to have dual monitors. (Fuck triple monitors; I found that was kinda overrated.)

Hmm, what else? That’s about it, I guess. Ima look for some canned fruit now, I guess.

4:19 AM — Man, I just tried to eat some pineapple chunks out of the can and even those are too intense. I just gotta take it really easy right now. I hope I didn’t do permanent damage to my body. I feel like I burned my tongue, the back of my throat, etc.

I was just talking to my mom earlier about how people are in a world of pain due to how dysfunctional relations between the sexes have become. I guess she doesn’t see the situation as being so dire, despite the statistics I mentioned. She kinda has the same talking points she keeps returning to. E.g., my dad said he was gonna make a bunch of money, but he didn’t. Well, what can I say. He kinda failed in a lot of his male roles, or didn’t step up to the plate.

I’m not sure which came first — whether his failure in his male roles led to her taking on a more masculine role, or if her refusing to submit and be feminine (basically the same thing) in certain ways emasculated and demoralized him to the point he wasn’t able or willing to perform his male functions properly. It just occurred to me that when she has said that she “didn’t want to be dominated” that basically means she didn’t want to be feminine. Or it means she couldn’t be feminine because there wasn’t a competent and masculine man around to lead her; she needed a man she could look up to, whose leadership she could respect.

I was just talking to a certain admin on a certain incel board. I get the sense that he feels like he’s on stage when he’s communicating by PM. Maybe he figures anything could be leaked. It’s kinda like working in one of those corporate open offices where there are no cubicle walls, so anything you say, everyone is gonna potentially overhear (if they don’t have headphones in).

It seems to me that a lime cube is like an atom bomb in the amount of devastation it’s gonna cause to your palate, whatever you put it in, unless you heavily balance it with some other element(s) that are suitable for that purpose. I mean, if you’re just gonna make limeade, okay, but right now I think limeade might kick my ass anyway, if I can’t even handle canned pineapple chunks.

6:55 AM — It turns out, one reason why stuff I mixed grape juice with became undrinkable, is that the grape juice is starting to turn. It’s not even all that drinkable by itself. So the results of my experiments with grape juice concoctions may not have a lot of validity.

Fun fact: unplugging laptop headphones doesn’t shut it up, like it would with a desktop PC that doesn’t have built-in speakers.

Well anyway, at least I got rid of those who can’t handle suicidal ideation. They must not be able to relate, or something.

I hope I haven’t damaged my skin through dehydration. If I did, oh well. No wonder politics ages people so much.

So this site is basically more like a journal than a blog, I guess. I could, I suppose, split off the journal stuff into a separate blog. But then maybe this blog would be mostly empty.

1:22pm — So anyway, over the past seven days, I did at least answer the question of, will I accept living in a post-Nathania world? I guess that’s what I’ll be doing, because Nathania is gone, and I’m still here. I didn’t check out. I accepted half a loaf as better than nothing.

2:39pm — So I wonder, how am I gonna cope with stressful situations if I don’t have suicide as a solution to fall back on? Hmm.

So anyway, we still have quite a lot of lemon syrup, lime syrup, etc. Not sure what I’m gonna do with all that, cuz it’s pretty hard on the stomach. We just need to get some sparkling water to dilute it with, I guess.

img_00809:35pm — So, I’m just gonna install XAMPP, I guess, and do my coding on this Windows machine, even though Windows sucks. I’ve got this underpowered laptop with a single monitor, but I’m just gonna make the best of it. I’ve been in this situation before, and I did okay.

10:00pm — I gotta get away from this incel movement stuff, before it destroys me. I’m gonna have to shift focus to Inclupedia. I just feel that what happened recently was pretty unacceptable, and I can’t deal with that again.

I hate running for office because it’s like being in prison; you’re waiting for this arbitrary date when that shit will finally be over. I’ll be glad when I can be out of the public spotlight (at least for that stuff). I did my duty; now it’s time to do some productive work. But I guess I’ll remain celibate, or something, for the foreseeable future. What a fucked-up time we live in.

I gotta restart the computer now, so that my new UAC settings will take effect. I feel kinda melancholy, and my mom seems in a strange mood as well (not sure why).

11:14pm — So I got XAMPP and Komodo Edit working. phpMyAdmin is working. Now I gotta figure out how I’ll be installing MediaWiki. I’ll leave that for tomorrow.

I suppose once I get MediaWiki installed, then I can start the new Nathania, v3.0. Well, now I embark on a new era, and hope that somehow providential forces are moving events in a suitable direction that will one day guide me into my daughter’s pussy.

This post, by the way, will probably be moved to the new Nathania.

Day #8

12:17 AM — So, last evening I squeezed a lemon and threw that juice in the blender along with eight sweet iced tea cubes and some liquid iced tea. She said it wasn’t sweet enough, so I threw another two of those iced tea cubes and some more liquid iced tea in there for good measure. So that was a nice sweet iced tea slushie with lemon juice. (In looking for photos of this, I see that I’m like the only person who doesn’t spike his sweet tea slushies with vodka.)

lime-slushie-2
This is probably what my slushie is gonna look like

Then I squeezed enough juice out of several limes to fill an ice cube tray (basically two cups). The plan now is to freeze that overnight, then make some syrup out of 4 cups of sugar dissolved in 4 cups of boiling water; and then squeeze enough lemons to get 2 cups of juice, mix all that together, and probably chill that for a little while; and then throw some of it in the blender along with the lime cubes. And I’ll save a couple lemon slices, or maybe lime slices, for the edge of the glass (I forgot to do that yesterday). So that’ll be a nice lime slushie with lemonade.

71_859535486_l
Not what my slushie is gonna look like, but I want to make one like this sometime too, with lime sherbet

I see that in looking for pics of this, I’m like the only guy who doesn’t either make his lime slushies with lime sherbet, 7-Up, and lemon-lime Kool-Aid for the kiddies; or put vodka in it. Definitely if I survive what I’m planning, I want to get hammered on some alcoholic variants of some of these drinks. I’m so tired of drinking these hoppy, high-alcohol beers that taste like shit. I want something that’s actually fruity, citrusy, etc. for a change, to suit the demands of my refine palate.

exps15576_lt10189c11
This slushie is made with lime sherbet, lemon-lime soda, limade concentrate, lime zest, and ice cubes

I’m like so obsessed with slushies! The cool thing about that is that when I need some filler text to take up space between photos of various slushies, I can just devote that space to talking about my obsession itself, rather than just the objects of my obsession.

Thing about this is, since I’m not drinking any of it, if my parents don’t drink theirs, then it just kinda sits around and turns into liquid. Also, I’m not getting the benefit of finding out for myself how it tastes. But, this is what I do when I’m deprived of stuff; I get it for others so I can try to enjoy it vicariously, and at least see what it looks like, even if I can’t taste. That reminds me, I need to give my dad his medications tomorrow so that he doesn’t sleep all day; today, he didn’t take his second dose so he was asleep when I was going to be having him try that sweet-tea-and-lemon slushy.

orange-slushBy the way, I notice the recipes for orange slushies will call for using, e.g., mandarin oranges, lemon sherbet, orange juice, and ice cubes. Well, what if I go with a lemon slushie recipe that reverses that, by using lemons, orange sherbet, lemon juice, and ice cubes? What I’ll probably end up doing is just adding a scoop of orange sherbet to the top of the concoction mentioned above.

I notice, I tire pretty easily now whenever I exert myself in the slightest way (e.g. to juice citrus fruit and then clean up the kitchen). Also, my pee is turning a darker color. Symptoms of dehydration are progressing, I guess.

By the way, guys — I hit the “Publish” button after the first entry in these daily posts, but then I add a lot more stuff throughout the day. I just like to make it a practice to do it that way, because I never know when I’m gonna pass out or something without having published my work up to that point.

Increased determination

1:36 AM — I’m starting to get that same feeling I had when I was ballot access petitioning. There came a point, midway through, where I asked myself, “Why am I doing this?” It was probably a weekend day, when I was going door-to-door in Haymarket.

And the answer that came to my mind was, “Just do this on faith. You started this, and got this far; now finish it.” It should be the same way with this suicide, or whatever it is.

Sometimes you just need bare determination to finish your work, or whatever it is. Even when you forget the reason why you started, you just forge ahead, because time is limited in which to accomplish your task.

And in both cases, it was a feeling of having been wronged that motivated me. When I was ballot access petitioning, it was BuiQuang’s remarks in this VisaJourney thread that enraged me and thereby roused me to action. In my current situation, it’s the loss of my data. I need to take action and be noticed to feel a sense of justice and resolution. Maybe that can only happen in death, at this point; who knows.

My mom and I also need to settle, once and for all, the question of what’s going to be my level of activity in this campaign. E.g., can I do interviews and debates? The sooner we figure this out, the better, because I need to start getting back into the news cycles and taking advantage of every potentially useful opportunity for press that comes my way.

If I die, I die. I don’t give a fuck. There needs to be a confrontation about the violation of my First and Fourth Amendment rights by these Anonymousers, or whoever they were.

To make a difference in this world, sometimes you gotta be ready to do some crazy shit. This is what it means to be a man — doing crazy shit so women don’t have to. I don’t see any foids refusing all food and liquids, unless they’re anorexic or something. When they do go on a crash diet, it’s usually a yo-yo diet.

2:42 AM — For someone who’s potentially about to die, I sure do have a lot of fun sometimes. Too bad my sleep cycle is so fucked up that at this hour I’m still wide awake. Then again, who knows, maybe one of these times I’ll fall asleep and not wake up (at least, not outside the hospital). I’m assuming the way this will end is with me either in the hospital, or dead.

You see, you can rely on me as your congressional representative to be a good steward of health care resources, rather than wasting them frivolously. Dripping saline into the arms of guys who purposefully dehydrated themselves is definitely a good use of hospitals and their workers. I’m already kinda wondering what kind of food they’re going to have at the hospital. I am, however, gonna walk out of that place at the first opportunity.

5:09 AM — Okay, so now I have in the freezer a tray of lime cubes and two trays of lemon-syrup mixture; and I have in the fridge six cups of lemon-syrup mixture, if all my math is correct. So that’s a total of 12 cups. So if each serving is three cups, then each serving consists of four lime cubes (1/2 cup), eight lemon-syrup cubes (1 cup),  and 1 1/2 cup of lemon-syrup mixture. Also add a couple grape cubes (1/4 cup) and a scoop of orange sherbet. Yeah, might want to cut those measurements in half.

Next time it’s probably better to do amounts that are divisible by 16, since there are 16 cubes. So, e.g., put six cups of water, six cups of sugar, and six cups of lemon/lime, to make 18 cups total. Or cut that in half.

41nfz7w206lAnyway, I know what I want for Christmas. Yeah, that’s a Jupiter large commercial juice press. I hear it gets the job done pretty well.

You know, I’m thinking adding those grape cubes will take some of the edge off the sourness. It’s a good thing (as Martha Stewart would say). Well, if I’m gonna do stuff like that, then why not also throw a peach in there sometime and make it peach lemonade? Makes sense to me.

I’m gonna try to sleep now. It was hard stacking up three cube trays in the freezer, but I seem to have managed everything without disaster. Now what I want to know, is whether we have an actual pitcher around here, or just a blender jar. We seem unprepared to make this kind of stuff.

8:21 AM — So I confirmed our house does not have a pitcher. What the fuck, man. I guess I’m just gonna have to use glass tupperware. Meanwhile, the whole house smells like lemons and limes right now, and the kitchen floor is pretty sticky. I wonder how it got everywhere. Did my dad come in and spill it during the night, or did I do that? These days, I view lemon and lime juice as being like gold, it’s so hard to obtain.

We also only have like three glasses (two tall glasses and a short glass), because so many of them have broken. So I guess I have to serve these concoctions in mugs, but it kinda wrecks the aesthetics.

By the way, my body seems to have halted most production of sweat and of skin and hair oil. Also, I’m noticing more pressure in my chest area.

I normally think of dehydration as something that inhibits pleasurable orgasms, but I noticed that yesterday it was pretty intense, maybe more so than any I’ve experienced in awhile.

I wonder if I’m picking up any nutrients through my skin from handling all this fruit.

While I was working on all this last evening, I kept thinking that Piper should be here with me, so I could teach her all about this (how to heat up the lemons and limes, and roll them on the counter so that the juice will flow more easily, and crush them with the tongs Martha Stewart-style); but actually, since this was going on in the middle of the night, maybe she would’ve been asleep anyway. Also, I’m not entirely sure I know what I’m doing anyway.

4:35 PM — This day is going by pretty quickly. I made another batch of limeade syrup and put it in the freezer. I was going to take out the lemonade syrup cubes and put them in bags, but they still hadn’t frozen yet, so I ended up losing some of the juice.

I’m realizing, to really do this on the industrial-level scale on which I want to do it, I need to get some buy-in from my mom. I need some sharper CutCo knives, so I don’t lose so much juice cutting this fruit; I need more ice cube trays; more glasses; a pitcher or two; maybe a better juicer; etc. At some point, maybe I would need a whole separate fridge/freezer for this stuff. Otherwise, I’m just toying around with it, which is fine if this is just going to be a very occasional thing, but otherwise isn’t all that practical.

Bodily functions continue mostly normally. One would think that dehydration would cause constipation (or that I wouldn’t have anything to defecate, since I haven’t eaten in a week), but apparently not.

Starvation rations

6:38 PM — So I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I served that concoction to my dad and he said it was delicious. I could tell he liked it by how fast he was drinking it.

The bad news is, when I was working with the lemonade syrup, I got some on my hands and just automatically licked it off. I immediately felt a boost of energy, because that stuff is pretty powerful (it has sugar and fresh lemon juice). So who knows, maybe just that small amount prolonged my life by a half-day. I have to guard against that happening again because it’s just really automatic to lick something tasty off of one’s hands rather than wash it off.

Probably peasants and slaves in various ages have survived like that — eating scraps whenever they could, while being constantly hungry. Just a small amount of food will sustain you. But sustenance isn’t really my goal at the moment.

Well anyway, despite that small slip-up, I’m still on starvation rations. This is another reason, though, why I want to discontinue my program of making these slushies for my parents. I might accidentally slip up like that. It’s better to just avoid all contact with food. The thing about cheating slightly is that it gives you a sense of impurity, because you don’t know if your bodily yearnings are because you reawakened a desire, or created an imbalance (e.g. eating food but not drinking liquids), etc.

Some other good news — I made a major find of content I thought had been deleted, viz., the Larson for Congress press releases. (Caution, the archive may download extremely slowly.)

img_0723edit

Next I want to make a sparkling cherry lemonade. The recipe for this is to put 2 ounces pitted cherries, 3/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice, and 2/3 cup sugar into a blender, and then blend and chill that and serve it over ice (maybe some lemon or lime cubes?) and sparkling water. In fact, I think I’ll go to the store right now and buy some sparkling water. I have nothing better to do, or to spend money on.

Even though this slushie fetish might lead to a small amount of cheating, it does at least burn up quite a bit of time. I don’t even mind so much that it’s time efficient, but I hate to see ingredients get wasted sometimes.

I don’t really like that glass I had to serve dad’s slushie in; it doesn’t hold much and the presentation is lacking because it’s too narrow. We have only one really good glass right now.

7:34 PM — Okay, so I’m back to eating and drinking now. NoFood/NoFluids is over. At seven days, I did, however, set a new record.

Right now, I’m drinking this very strange, almost undrinkable medley of different stuff. I’ve discovered that lemon syrup is a very powerful sweetener, and lime cubes are a very powerful sourer. And when you mix that with a bunch of grape juice and orange sherbet and other stuff, the result can be very strange. Yeah, I may actually have to throw this one out.

8:27 PM — Yeah, I threw it out, but now I regret throwing it out, because I probably could’ve continued drinking it after taking a break. It pains me to throw away ingredients that expensive, and that required so much labor, and that are so nourishing. Limes are 50 cents apiece these days. If there were 30 limes, that was $15. Geez.

My sandwiches are the same way; they kinda suck but you just gotta eat ’em a little at a time to get the nourishment, and then take a break till later. If some of these concoctions turn out to be god-awful, just gotta drink ’em a little bit at a time to get the benefit from the ingredients.

I wish Piper and I could be like Steven and Katie Pladl (minus the arrests and murder-suicide)

(Reposted from Nathania)

The news accounts have focused on how I want to bang my daughter. They always lead with that, and in the court proceedings the prosecutor also talked about how I want to use her for sex.

I always wanted her for more than that. Kind of like how a boyfriend is “more than a friend” I envisioned myself as being “more than a father to her”. I wanted to do all the stuff a father does with his daughter, and all the stuff a husband does with his wife. The reason is, that way I can know she’s in the hands of someone I can trust.

img_20140417_103028
Reaching out for a glass of ice-cold pink grapefruit juice

Also, I just really loved her mother, which makes her irreplaceable since she’s all that’s left of her mother (other than a pile of ashes in an urn, unless they scattered those). People also say she has a nice personality, easygoing, etc. I saw her in person once (in a supervised visit) and I liked her. She wasn’t dramatic; when she fell and hurt herself (because I let her crawl out of my lap), she was easily consolable. I just picked her up and she stopped crying.

Drama has a coolness factor, in that it can be entertaining, but it can also get annoying. Her mom was definitely full of drama. All of that rape stuff basically meant, “It was okay for you to have sex with me, but I wanted you to give me a good life.” “Rape” is just another word for, “I gave my body to you, and in return it was your responsibility to look after me. So if you didn’t hold up your end of the deal, what you did was rape.”

August was not actually against my having sex with my daughters; she just didn’t want CPS to take the kids away from us, or for me to go to jail. For the sex we had to be “okay,” i.e. not rape, it had to not lead to such outcomes.

Nothing can ever change the fundamentals of relations between the sexes. It’s always going to be a trade of sex for security, at least as far as betas are concerned. When it comes to alphas, rape and abuse accusations serve as a handy means by which a female can get a beta to feel sorry for her for getting impregnated and dumped by Chad, so that he’ll play the cuck.

A cry of “Rape” is just a signal girls send up to call for Captain Save-a-Ho, kind of like the Bat-Signal searchlight. The only time it’s an actual crime is when you rape another man’s wife. Or possibly when you rape an unmarried virgin, although one might argue in that case one should just be forced to marry her, lest she be left ruined.

Drama is cute when it’s just a girl throwing a harmless tantrum, putting on an entertaining performance for men in her life (such as her father, or husband, etc.) But the problem is that in modern society, drama has become an integral part of how girls get their needs met by people outside their families, as they play the victim to judges and bureaucrats who take (or pretend to take) their stories of victimhood seriously. The blame for girls’ getting treated excessively roughly, or being abandoned, or whatever, has to fall somewhere, and it can never fall on the girl herself, because everyone knows that girls aren’t competent to make their own decisions. So it has to fall on some man or another; and since fathers don’t have any power to control their girls’ decisions, the blame falls on her boyfriend or husband.

Thus, what happened with August was not so much because of a flaw in August, but because of flaws in our system and culture. People say that she could have had potential at one time, but it was ruined. She herself wanted to get pregnant at 14, and I think she might have been happier if she’d been able to do so. Nothing good comes of forcing girls to delay starting their own families. They become neurotic and angry, and not without good cause. But because they can’t take out their anger on those who are truly responsible for their misery and lost potential, they take it out on the man who is closest at hand, viz., whatever man commits to them.

In court, when the prosecutor made those comments about how I just wanted to exploit Piper for my sexual satisfaction, I wanted to stand up and say that what I really wanted was to have a loving relationship with her. Of course, that would fall outside their definition of “love” and fall into their definition of “rape” because they can’t conceive of how such a relationship would be beneficial to her. For that reason, they assume I must only want her for sex; the whole concept of “only wanting a girl for sex” is very similar to the concept of “rape,” which is that the girl opens her legs to a man but doesn’t get the happy life she wants in return, so she feels cheated and mistreated and abused. It also boils down to the same thing.

steven-and-katie-pladl-6The relevant question, then, is whether both parties to the relationship can be happy in it. If society is persecuting them and trying to destroy their relationship, then maybe they can’t be happy (as Katie Pladl perhaps didn’t end up happy, after she got thrown in jail). So then that makes it “rape” and “using her for sex”. But it’s actually society that’s the rapist and exploiter, even though they’re not getting sexual pleasure out of it.

It’s like these men who finger girls against their will, and don’t even get off inside of her, like they could if they put their penises inside of her. Why even bother to victimize someone, in that case? But that’s how judicial and bureaucratic rape is; it’s a sterile form of rape, unlike the orgasmic and reproductive rape men might enjoy, and the physically coercive “rape” (actually, it would simply be labeled “rough sex”) women might also enjoy.

Bottom line is, I love my daughter so much I want to impregnate her. But what is “love”? Roosh defined it as attraction combined with a lack of other options. This is why it’s easy for beta men to love; we tend to have fewer options. Incels, having no options, would tend to be even more loving, one would think, maybe even infinitely loving. No wonder, then, that incels can seem so hateful, since there’s a fine line between love and hate.

heath-campbell-hitler-nazi-christopher-sadowski-040317-1120Anyway, I’d like to make a family with my daughter but I wonder sometimes if it’s really practical. You know, Heath Hitler attracted some girls by having the balls to openly be a swastika-tattooed neo-Nazi, but he was often jobless, and his females would cheat on him because he couldn’t really offer them much in terms of a comfortable life.

But, these days we have the welfare state, whose function is essentially to buy off those who have been excluded from the workplace for various reasons. Just like there are mentalcels, there are also mentalneets, and they have to be accommodated somehow or else they’ll go ER or something, or the voters will rebel from those neets’ exclusion from society, since they’ll have to be supporting their own neet family members.

I love the thought of living with my daughter and seeing her walking around the house pregnant with my baby, and it makes me wish I’d made a couple daughters so they could both be pregnant with my babies at the same time. It would be so fun if incestuous marriage were legal. Anyway.

I was gonna write an essay about Saul Alinsky’s ideas about the have-nots and have-a-little-want-mores. In our case, that would be the incels and volcels. Alinsky said these two groups have different roles but combined, they can be a powerful force sometimes. I would like to explore that in an Incelocalypse discussion sometime.

Shopping list

apple_cider_slushie1I don’t have a bliki anymore, so I’ll have to post my shopping list here.

  • Apple cider
  • Hard apple cider
  • Pure cranberry juice (to freeze and mix with other juices)
  • Grape juice
  • Apple juice
  • Pink grapefruit juice (to freeze and add to lemonade)
  • Chick-Fil-A lemonade (also to freeze and add to sweet iced tea)
  • Sweet iced tea
  • Orange juice (to freeze for orange-mango slushy)
  • Mango juice
  • Pineapple juice
  • Coconut sparkling water
  • Tonic water
  • Club soda
  • Ginger (for ginger ale)
  • 7-Eleven style Slurpee straws
  • Gatorade (Cool Blue, Riptide Rush, Glacier Freeze)

Day #7

12:16 AM — Yeah, this dehydration process sure is moving slowly. Today I catch up to where I was the last time I went without food or water for this long (which I referred to as “the six-day war”), and set a new record for myself. Whoop-de-doo.

I’m starting to feel kinda accelerationist. I almost want to spend some time in my overheated car.

grape-soda-1-1024x497On the other hand, I have some frozen grape juice cubes prepared against the day when I decide to call this off and live instead. So I’ve got my bases covered. I suppose if I get near the end, and it’s evident I’m not going to live, I might serve those to my parents instead.

frozen-oj-cubes-in-a-bowl2Yesterday, I made a grape smoothie for them, by throwing some grape juice cubes in the blender along with some grape juice; but next time I want to reduce the amount of grape juice I throw in there, since the friction from the blade heats it enough to melt it somewhat.

I also want to get some cans of grape juice concentrate, and mix it with club soda, or seltzer water, or something. That could be interesting. I feel like experimenting with different drinks. I was also thinking of making some mango juice cubes, orange juice cubes, lemon juice cubes, lime juice cubes, etc. It would be interesting to have, say, lemonade with lime juice cubes, mango juice with orange juice cubes, etc. I’m not sure what you would put pineapple juice cubes in, hmm. Oh, I guess coconut sparkling water. It saddens me that if I die in a week or two, it will be without having had a chance to try these various concoctions; but I wouldn’t have even thought much of them if I hadn’t been severely liquid-, sugar-, and vitamin- and mineral-and possibly electrolyte-deprived right now.

frozen-oj-in-trays-and-bag1So, now I need some filler text, as an excuse to have a bunch of different juice cubes in the sidebar. I just don’t have a whole lot to say right now, though, that I haven’t already said. I’m kinda just waiting for time to pass. I played into the ground pretty much all the video games I have, I don’t feel like watching a movie, and Incels.me is pretty dead right now. So that doesn’t really leave me much to do but pace around.

1966-coca-cola-vintage-ad-coke-ice-cubes-c17-5I suppose I could start using cheat codes on some of these video games that I have trouble beating. That still doesn’t sound like too much fun. Looks like I might be spending the next week mostly just staring at the clock.

Okay, I just added a vertically long image of a Coke bottle with Coke ice cubes, so I need some more filler text since there’s another heading coming up. Let’s see what can I used as some more filler text, to take up that extra space? Hmm. I couldn’t think of any filler text, but hopefully it’ll turn out all right anyway.

It’s kinda sad, when you think about it, that I couldn’t come up with any filler text, because probably all I would’ve needed was a couple paragraphs at the most.

Inevitability

Anyway, I was thinking about how it was pretty much inevitable that the first openly pro-pedo politician would commit suicide. The reason is that supporting rape, incest, and pedophilia is very logical, and so is committing suicide. These are all also socially proscribed ideas and behaviors, which require fortitude and a belief in the rightness of one’s cause to pursue.

Parenting

frostymangoslushOne of the few experiences I never got to have was raising a child. I feel like I would’ve broken all the normal parenting rules to experiment with my kid as I saw fit. E.g., if she went through a stage of saying “no” to everything, maybe I would’ve given her some sweet alcoholic beverage to see if it turned her noes into yeses, the way it often does with older girls. I just would’ve liked to see what would happen if I isolated a girl within a certain familial culture, where she wasn’t indoctrinated with a bunch of social conditioning, and seen what the results would be when she wasn’t starting out with the usual set of assumptions and biases.

dsc_0121I’m sure I would’ve faced the usual conundrum that parents have to deal with, which is wanting to set their kids free enough to pursue happiness, yet also wanting to keep them on a short enough leash to keep them out of trouble. (Nah, I don’t think there’d be a conundrum; I would just be heavy on the leash and light on the freedom, since she is, after all, a girl.)

fn_ice-cube-tray-lemon-juice_s4x3-rend_-snigalleryslide1The only difference is, my possessiveness toward my daughter would at least have had a self-interested purpose. Self-interest is underrated sometimes, as Ayn Rand pointed out. Jim writes:

Women love it when a firm and confident claim of ownership leads to successful defense – and rather too much love testing claims of ownership by creating situations where the claim needs defending.  Absent confident and firm ownership claims, do not really like defense very much.

Recall that in the legend of Perseus and Andromeda, after Perseus rescues Andromeda from the dragon, he kills her fiancee, abducts her from her family and marries her.   He rescues her and firmly takes possession.

Time passes

06104c9f-5a36-470d-bafb-ccc62b7fd03413:43 AM — Well, researching those juices and whatnot killed a few hours at least. That’s the key; I just gotta find a way to keep my mind busy.

6:23 AM — Took a nap and woke up. I looked at the ice cube trays that I filled with sweet tea; they’re still not completely frozen yet. I see why people like to watch porn; I kinda like to make these drinks for people, even though I don’t get to enjoy being the one to drink them. It’s not the greatest way to learn which concoctions turn out well, though, because I’m not tasting them myself.

5527929236_88a150788eI’ll tell you what, if I survive this, I’m making some Moscow mules and some fizzy grapefruit margaritas.

My heart feels like it’s beating kinda irregularly, but I’m not afraid, unlike previous times. I seem to have more of a “fuck it” mentality this time.

8:02 AM — I forgot to mention, I’m starting to lose my voice somewhat. I hear that’s a pretty common effect of dehydration, as the mouth starts to dry up.

12307-rls-copper-mug-gb-lime-wedge-v2previewOne of the reasons it’s probably taking so long to dehydrate myself is that this house is kept pretty cold. The thermostat says 75 degrees but I feel like it must be at least 10 degrees cooler than that. I have to wrap myself in a blanket around here usually.

I haven’t been feeling like going on long walks like I used to. I started walking yesterday but quickly turned back because I was like, “Fuck this.”

By the way, one possible problem may arise this coming weekend, because Saturday and Sunday will be days 11 and 12, respectively. My mom will be around, probably, and therefore more likely to notice if I go into a coma.

12:53 PM — Yeah, my attitude at this point is, I would never want to do this again. I feel kinda the same way I felt when I was petitioning earlier this year — I told myself, “I’m never doing this again. I won’t put myself through this again.”

However, the difference is, I can actually see myself needing to do this again, potentially, especially if someone intervenes to stop me this time around. I gotta get through this looming weekend, I think. Hmm, today’s the 24th, and the weekend is the 28th and 29th. I wonder if there’s going to be an acceleration in my symptoms’ “worsening”.

You would think that by this point, my pee would be very dark. Nope, it’s still a shade of yellow-orange. However, there’s not very much of it anymore. I was surprised by how much liquid my body still had, to be able to pee out over the past several days.

Subconscious

5:58 PM — I just woke up, for the first time with fear about my impending death. I wrote this post:

Do you have to spend the first half hour after you wake up rethinking your choices in life and reassuring yourself that you’re on the right path?

That’s how it is with me a lot of times. For example, if I’m about to take what seems like some major risk, then I might wake up every day with a pounding heart thinking, “Does it even make any sense at all, what I’m planning on doing?” And I have to redo my whole thought process; counter the same objections that were just raised the previous day, and the day before, etc.; and conclude, “Yes, I’m being logical, even though others may conclude my choices are crazy.”

It seems like even the subconscious isn’t totally convinced by the conscious mind’s arguments. But after I’ve been awake awhile, and thought it through again, the conscious mind manages to calm the doubts and settle the nerves.

The subconscious is full of fears, but so is the conscious mind, because I might be like, “Well, if I wanted to, I could try xyz plan for making a billion dollars, and see if that works, before killing myself — but, I’m so burnt out with trying stuff and failing that I just don’t feel like it.” I’m afraid I’m gonna put a lot of work into an idea and then be disappointed, so I’d rather give up.

I see other people around here say, “I would want to continue living, if I had enough money to pursue my entrepreneurial dreams.” A lot of times you don’t need that much money to get started, though, if you’re willing to master the skills needed to do whatever you want to do yourself, rather than hiring people to do it. But then you’d have to put a lot of skin into your own game, rather than just throw someone else’s investment money at your dream.

So yeah, the conscious mind can be a tool for suppressing doubt, and forging ahead with a plan that could change the world; but it can also suppress hope by choosing cowardice over making a try for what one really wants. Oh well.

Day #6

This might be the slowest dehydration I’ve ever experienced. It actually seems like I have fewer symptoms today than yesterday, when I was feeling pretty miserable toward the evening. It doesn’t feel right now like I’m halfway to going into a coma.

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Right now, I don’t think I would mind drinking some Riptide Rush, Glacier Freeze, and maybe even some Cool Blue till I throw up. A nice glass of Coke with ice would be good too. Or a glass of orange juice with ice or apple juice with ice (sorry, I couldn’t find any non-watermarked pics of the latter). I see to be wanting both water and sugar.

Aside from cravings and mild headaches, that’s about all I have to report. No cramps, no oliguria, no kidney pain, no rapid heartbeat, no dizziness, no seeing stars, nothing.

I am, however, starting to run out of video games that I haven’t conquered or gotten tired of. And Incels.me doesn’t seem all that active today with anything interesting. So boredom is starting to set in.

Society failed the test

coke-on-ice2I’ve been thinking, why did I leave my hard drives exposed to be taken like that? I suppose partly I was putting society to a test, to see what they’d do. Maybe I wanted to be provoked into doing what I’m doing now.

Because let’s face it, responsibilities are kind of a burden, and I wasn’t even in a position to properly handle the responsibility I had, which was running for office. So it’s just as well that it ends this way. It can be like the Joseph Smith presidential campaign, which ended on 27 June 1844.

Here’s the latest vidya sportsball update

Well, I need to write some filler so that I have room to add a little more drink porn. I just finished playing a game of Jaleco’s Bases Loaded. I was behind for several innings, then got even further behind, and then made comeback so that the score was 12-12 at the top of the 9th. Then it all fell apart, because he got some points and I didn’t. So that’s your summary of today’s vidya sportsball.

oj-upgrade-103121806_horiz_0-cropMeanwhile, in 1943, I’m stuck on level 15. I’ve played it several times and haven’t been able to win. And in Platoon, I’m still finding my way around the maze on level 2.

Yeah, if you can find a non-watermarked image of a glass of apple juice with lots of ice, please send that to me or comment with a URL, so I can include that in this page. I’m also looking for a similar image of a glass of grapefruit juice.

You know what used to be good, by the way — getting a can of orange juice concentrate, and then mixing it with, say, only two cans of water, and not mixing it all the way into the water, so that you’d have a glass of orange juice with some chunks of that concentrate still in it. I haven’t bought a can of orange juice concentrate in a long time, but I think it would be cool to take a glass of pulpy premium orange juice and throw some chunks of concentrate into it.

I was just realizing, I could probably throw some juice into a bunch of ice cube trays, freeze them, and then throw those cubes into a powerful blender to make slushies. That would be so easy. I want to try that, if I decide to live.

“Don’t kill yourself”

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By the way — a person doesn’t decide to kill themselves in response to a setback unless they already have other problems. And I do have other problems. But also, society has reached a point where “the conversation is over” so that means we follow one of the three paths: (1) submit, (2) rebel, or (3) commit suicide. That’s pretty much it.

Submission always is kind of a drag, but most people do it because they think they can change the world in a positive way, and/or live an enjoyable life, even if the government does put a damper on certain kinds of fun. There are, after all, still onion rings served alongside A&W root beer in a frosty mug, that one can enjoy at certain restaurants.

fever-tree-ginger-beer-960x641

The world has a lot of pleasures, and a lot of interesting stuff happens. There’s also a lot of “sham, drudgery, and broken dreams.” Most of us measure our own success in comparison to that of those around us, which is one of the advantages sometimes to isolating oneself; if you were Robinson Crusoe, there would be no Joneses to keep up with.

Anyway, life is cool, but so is death. Death is actually fairly awesome. I haven’t heard anyone who died complain afterward that it wasn’t as good as they expected.

q-ginger-beerBut you know, one reason why I need to die is that I have no future, due to my inability to earn money. As James Lucrative pointed out, you gotta give people free stuff if you don’t want to see this type of outcome. Now, if you want to look at it from a libertarian viewpoint that government-coerced wealth transfers are bad because they take away money from the productive, and also are less efficient than voluntary charity, that’s fine, but the result is, e.g., my suicide. We can look at this from a socially Darwinian standpoint and say, “It’s all for the good” but in that case, don’t tell me, “Don’t kill yourself.” I need a solution rather than just an exhortation.

The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long

25438-455720-roypng-noscale-jpgThat’s usually how it goes. If you’re planning to live your whole life span, then you have to keep something in reserve for later, so you can go the distance. You have to pace yourself; you can’t go into an all-out sprint, or you’ll get exhausted and have to walk the rest of the way (or maybe you’ll get heat stroke and won’t even make it).

In society, pacing yourself takes the form of not doing anything that’s going to fuck up the rest of your life. But that’s pretty limiting.

“This time it’s different”

Many times when I’ve been suicidal, I’ve said, “This time it’s different. This time, it feels like I’m going to actually go through with it. The situation is different, my thought process is different, etc.” But it always ended in the same way. I either decided to accept a situation I’d said I wouldn’t accept, or I found some alternative solution I wanted to pursue. And then I would have a celebratory feast, and go buy all that juice and soda and whatnot.

Therefore, none of these instances ever rose to the level of being an actual suicide attempt, except to the extent it might have been an abortive attempt those times when prison officials intervened to threaten force-feeding if I didn’t eat.

Terminal dehydration is partly about self-mastery

Anything where you have to show discipline in putting up with physical torture to achieve your goal has a coolness factor. In terminal dehydration, your body cries out for mercy and you stay steadfast in cleaving to principle instead.

By the way, I like how my stomach looks right now; I don’t know what my true weight is (the scale says 152, but that can’t possibly be right), but I want to get down to this weight permanently so that I don’t have a muffin top.

Also, anything that makes you get dizzy and hallucinate also has kind of a coolness factor. That’s why inhaling helium is so cool, for instance. It would be simpler to just smoke some weed and get drunk, but when you come down from it, you’re still stuck with your problems, since you haven’t actually died. In contrast, death is the great problem-solver.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my entire family should commit a mass suicide

I was starting to think, “Could I just put the loss of the hard drive behind me, and say, ‘Well, it’s my fault for not backing up my data offsite,’ yadda-yadda-yadda, and just start fresh with a new beginning, creating more content to replace the old?”

Then I was like, “Well, people are always going to want to take down my stuff, though, at this point, as soon as I start to achieve any success. So then, what is my alternative purpose in life? I could take care of my dad; he needs a caregiver. He’s happier here than he would be in a home, where maybe he wouldn’t be able to choose what his meals are, or watch what he wants on TV, or be around his family instead of a bunch of strangers, etc.”

But then I was like, “Yeah, but what’s the point of his existence, anyway? And what’s the point of my mom’s existence? Basically it’s just a triangle, where we all exist to meet one another’s needs for affection, companionship, etc. My mom is primary provider, my dad is secondary provider, and I’m just the able-bodied young man who takes care of whatever needs to be done that they can’t handle. My dad is only able to provide very limited emotional support to my mom, or help with anything else, because he’s become physically and mentally weak. My mom, like all women, can’t really stand on her own, without male leadership; but on the other hand, now she has these African text-buddies (which is a whole ‘nother story).”

Eventually I realized, without Piper, our family’s purpose is kind of defeated. We don’t have a next generation to tend to and nurture. We’re going to die out when these two generations are gone. This is probably the same reason the Misciagnas wanted Piper so badly; without August, their purpose too was in question, because they didn’t have any other kids. Plus I guess they’d just grown fond of her; but we would be fond of her too, because of the biological tie.

Piper was like a life buoy that we all reached out for after the SS August sank to the bottom of the sea; and the Misciagnas were the ones who were able to grab her and keep her, because they were closer and had the advantage. By the time I swam over there, there was no way to wrest her loose. So now I am the one to drown.

The Misciagnas also said they were able to provide for Piper better. My mom is an equally good provider, though, with probably as many years of provisioning ahead of her as Jim has; and she could have played a motherly role as well. Basically there was no reason why Piper needed to go to them, although some would say she’d already bonded to them. Well — if that were such a big deal,  I don’t think we’d see so many cases where adopted kids want to go be with their biological families, from whom they were separated at a very young age.

So yeah, we (i.e. my whole family) may as well all kill ourselves. My dad doesn’t even have a mission to occupy him, and my mom’s mission is of questionable value. And I’m lacking in a mission too, that doesn’t involve taking care of those who themselves have no mission or purpose.

So yeah, I wasn’t able to find an excuse to drink the Welch’s grape juice (which from now on, I’m going to use as a metaphor for life).